Friends and family thought they knew almost everything about her. Then, Antoinette Forbes disappeared

By Chelsea Bailey, Dianne Gallagher, CNN

“Is Antoinette with you?”

It was Labor Day, and the late-night call was unexpected, and a little confusing, but Elizabeth Northrup answered anyway.

“No,” she told her friend over the phone, “Why, what’s going on?”

There was a brief pause, then, “Something’s wrong … the police are here at her house.”

Within minutes, Northrup was out the door and in the car; navigating the short drive across Washington, DC, to the home of one of her closest friends. As she drove, she cycled through a myriad of scenarios in her head, but what she saw as she turned onto Nebraska Avenue made the worst seem possible.

Police cruisers with lights flashing. Confused neighbors milling on the sidewalk. Officers inside, walking past the picture window of her friend’s picturesque home.

Eventually, a friend told her what the police would not: The front door had been unlocked. Antoinette’s wallet, phones, laptop – and her dog, Max – were all inside the home. Her car was still in the driveway.

But Antoinette Forbes – and her 10-year-old son – appeared to be missing.

How is it possible, Northrup thought, that her friend of nearly three decades – a 53-year-old dedicated mother and a communications executive at one of the nation’s largest drug companies – could just vanish?

Although her son would soon be confirmed safe, within a few short hours Antoinette’s friends and family would be blindsided, not only by her disappearance, but by a startling revelation.

But in that moment, as worry rooted her to the sidewalk and the police lights made for an eerie vignette, Northrup kept returning to the same question:

What could’ve possibly happened to Antoinette?

The life she built

The Forbes sisters were raised to be strong, independent women.

Inspired by their mother, who immigrated to the US from the Philippines and became a doctor, Aileen Forbes said her younger sister had always blended academic prowess with curiosity and compassion.

“That was my sister,” Forbes said. “I think she always wanted to strike out on her own.”

After graduating from Cornell University with degrees in English literature and biochemistry, she moved to Washington, DC. It was the ’90s, and Antoinette was drawn by the sense of political optimism and change ushered in by the Clinton administration, her sister said.

She took a job at the public relations firm Porter Novelli, and it was there she met the women who would become her chosen family. They bonded in those early days of adulthood over workplace highs, and financial woes. The friends agree, Antoinette – who stood at just 5 feet 2 inches – was always generous, feisty and funny.

“We would always do these splurge birthday dinners,” Holly Wetzel recalled. “We would save up to go to really nice places and spend way too much.”

“Money that we did not have!” Northrup chimed in.

And then they would snort and laugh, when Antoinette stuffed leftovers and “road bread” into her bag.

In a city that’s known for its transience, the friends defied the odds by setting down roots and growing together. There were girls’ trips to Europe and golf lessons after work; there were boyfriends who became husbands and eventually first homes and children.

Antoinette’s career was meteoric. She learned to leverage her passion for science into a career in executive communications and guidance.

Along the way, the group expanded to include Rachel Clark, Antoinette’s colleague, and friend. She described her as the kind of person who creates meal trains for sick coworkers and stashes her son’s crib away in case Clark might need it someday.

“She was the reference for my adoption,” Clark shared, recalling a pivotal conversation in 2021 when Antoinette convinced her not to give up on her dream of becoming a mom.

“We actually got the call (to adopt our daughter) that weekend,” Clark said. “So, she always claimed credit that she manifested it to happen according to her plan.”

Despite her professional success, her friends and family agreed that Antoinette always felt like something was missing.

“As important as her career was for her, she knew it wasn’t enough,” Aileen Forbes said. “She wanted something beyond that … she did want a family.”

But relationships and the timing never seemed to work out, until she met Russell Ashford.

Nearly everyone describes Russell the same way: He’s charming.

Wetzel recalled meeting him for the first time over drinks in Georgetown. Her first impression was, “Oh, I’m glad that she’s found this guy … they seem to be into each other.”

“I didn’t have red flags,” she said, thinking back to how she felt at the time. Her friends agreed.

The family she dreamed of

Russell Ashford served in the military for more than 20 years; records show he earned the rank of commander and retired as a decorated intelligence officer.

“(Antoinette and) Russell hadn’t been dating that long when she ended up getting pregnant,” Northrup said.

It was 2015; Antoinette was in her early 40’s – and Russell was more than a decade older – but the couple seemed to embrace the chance to have a baby, her friends said.

Still they maintained separate homes. And after their son was born, Wetzel was the one who drove Antoinette and her newborn home from the hospital.

“Seeing her go through that and face the fears that she had … bringing home a baby on her own,” she recalls, “She didn’t have a spouse there like we all did.”

But with time, Antoinette blossomed as a mother.

“It gave her purpose; I feel, beyond her career,” Wetzel said. “This love for (her son) taught her to love in a whole new way that she hadn’t ever experienced. I mean, no one does until you have children.”

Russell has three adult children from a previous marriage, and Northrup said it took him some time to tell his family about his newborn son –- a decision that did not sit well with Antoinette’s friends.

The couple continued living separately after Antoinette sold her condo. She and her son moved in with Northrup while she searched for a bigger home.

“She took me up on it really quickly,” she said. “I really got this chance to see (her son) as a baby and to be a little bit of the village that I wish I had.”

But Northrup admitted to her husband she didn’t feel Russell was being a supportive partner. And while she wanted to be honest with Antoinette about her concerns, she said she held back.

“If there had ever been a point where she was like, ‘I want you to get to know (Russell) better,’ or anything like that, of course … but … he had very little desire to get to know her friends,” she said.

“I don’t think he ever … appreciated the woman she was, the person she was, the mother she was, the friend.”

Friends and family agree Russell was in the picture, but Antoinette was effectively raising her son as a single mom.

“She had ended the relationship with Russell during COVID,” recalled Aileen, who was living with her sister at the time. After they broke up, Antoinette instructed her family to block Russell.

“At some point, she told me that she did have full custody, legal custody of my nephew, but she never told me the circumstances,” her sister said.

The secret she kept

Police had been called to Antoinette’s home before.

On June 9, 2021, officers responded to a report of domestic violence in Chevy Chase, Maryland, according to court records. A neighbor led an officer inside to Antoinette, who had been severely battered and was “in and out of consciousness.”

A pool of blood was on the floor, police records show.

Russell and Antoinette had been fighting for hours, the neighbor told police. At one point, the couple’s 5-year-old son walked out of the house, and concerned neighbors encouraged him to sit with them on the porch next door while the arguing continued.

During a lull, the couple took their son back inside, but then things started escalating again. A short while later, the neighbor told police he “heard Forbes scream from the kitchen area of the home,” so he decided to go over to “try and calm things down.”

Then, he thought he heard a thud from the other side of the door.

He walked in to find “Ashford throwing closed fist punches at Forbes who was lying motionless,” police records show.

The neighbor yelled for Russell to stop, and he did. Then, he grabbed his things and walked out.

When officers later asked Russell what happened, he told them “he had just beat up his ex.” When pressed for a reason why, he said he “did not know and that he blacked out.”

Antoinette was taken to a nearby hospital where she was diagnosed with a concussion as well as a broken finger and multiple injuries to her face and eyes.

Russell was arrested.

Antoinette would later tell a judge that she’d endured physical and emotional abuse for years.

And, like countless survivors, she chose to keep that struggle private from the people she loved the most. After the assault in 2021, she told her friends she was injured falling off a scooter while playing with her son.

At the time, each of her friends harbored private doubts about her explanation, but given the sensitivity of the subject, they didn’t press her for more.

She never told her family.

“I just remember her jaw being wired shut for a really long period of time,” Clark said, “I sent her soups and everything that she could do through the straw.”

At times it seemed Antoinette wanted to say more, Clark added, but she sensed she was holding back.

“Any conversation in that period of time, I just was like, ‘Where’s my friend?’”

Russell ultimately pleaded guilty to first degree assault.

During sentencing, colleagues and family submitted character statements on behalf of the man many referred to as “Russ.”

They described him as a sought-after military intelligence officer who was a “principled person of high ethical, and moral fiber,” someone who has “good judgement in difficult situations,” and a “bedrock of love and support for his family.”

His ex-wife called him “devoted” and said he had “always been a great father and a gentle, friendly person.”

A stark contrast to the man Antoinette came to know.

The State sought the maximum penalty of 25 years in prison, with all but four years suspended, citing the severity of Antoinette’s injuries, and the fact that the assault happened in front of a child.

Montgomery County Circuit Court Associate Judge David Lease handed down a 15-year prison sentence but suspended more than 14 years, in part, because of Russell’s military service and history of post-traumatic stress disorder.

Russell was sentenced to nine months in jail before being released on probation in 2022.

He was ordered to have no hostile contact with Antoinette or their son as a condition of his probation. He also had to complete domestic violence counseling and undergo a mental health evaluation.

A custody agreement included allowing Russell an unsupervised visit with his son on weekends, scheduled FaceTime calls, time together during summer break, and additional visits at Antoinette’s discretion.

But over time, she began raising concerns through her attorneys.

The day she found her voice

In July, both Antoinette and Russell appeared in court for a hearing on a motion to strike Russell’s guilty plea in the assault case and release him from probation.

Attorneys for both parties agreed their shared custody had created inflection points where tensions – and emotions – would rise.

But there were times, Antoinette’s attorney told the judge, that Russell appeared to be “pushing the envelope” by repeatedly entering Antoinette’s home and sending unsolicited communications to their son’s school and her friends.

These behaviors constituted “hostile contact” and a violation of his probation, she said.

Russell’s attorney countered that the complaints were never documented with a probation officer or the court and noted that his client had not committed any further crimes while on probation.

When given an opportunity to address the judge, Russell said he’d been through an “odyssey of struggles that led to deep self-reflection,” since his release from jail, and that he’d accepted he committed a crime against Antoinette.

“There’s no excuse for me to have lost my self-control,” he said.

Then, he asked the judge to expunge his record so he could regain his security clearance and return to his work consulting with the intelligence community.

When Antoinette spoke, her voice was clear and strong.

She acknowledged there were times she allowed Russell into her home because “it shows our son some level of amicability.” But she told the court, “injuries I suffered from his assault so many years ago are permanent.”

“In this eye I’ve had three surgeries … and I still can’t see properly. I have a titanium plate in my cheek that I’m not supposed to be able to feel, but I can feel it. I have screws in my jaw and my teeth,” she said.

“I consider myself a strong woman. But … when you feel someone’s physical presence who is as big as Russell is … it creates an intimidating situation where, sometimes I do feel I am scared.”

Judge Lease – the same judge who originally sentenced Russell – granted the defense’s request for a “probation before judgement,” effectively striking his original finding of guilt and his conviction from the public record.

However, he denied Russell’s request to end his probation early and again ordered him not to have hostile contact with Antoinette or their son.

“This is a difficult case for the court because both sides have presented very compelling arguments,” the judge said. Russell waived his right to appeal the ruling.

The last time they saw her

The last time Aileen spoke with her sister was the Saturday morning of Labor Day weekend.

The two had been planning to visit their parents in New York, and Aileen said she had a brief FaceTime call with her sister to discuss the trip.

“There was nothing out of the ordinary in that conversation. I believe my nephew was in the background … the dog was in the background … there was nothing for me to have any concern that morning.”

Aileen started feeling ill the next day, and by Monday she’d tested positive for COVID. She said she has underlying health conditions that could make the illness more complicated, so she texted her sister to let her know.

“I felt like she’s the person that loved me the most in the world, and so for me to be sick, she would be concerned and would want to help me through that, support me,” she said.

This time, when she didn’t hear back, she became concerned. After calling Antoinette’s phone numerous times without answer, Aileen reached out to ask neighbors to check on her.

“When our friends discovered she wasn’t there, I knew immediately something was wrong.”

But it wasn’t just Antoinette – her son appeared to be missing as well. Authorities later learned he was safe and with his father in Pennsylvania.

When Aileen arrived in the city the following day, Northrup picked her up from the train station and handed her a stack of court documents.

That’s how she learned, in vivid detail, that her sister had survived a domestic assault.

“I couldn’t really process it when I first read it,” she said. “It’s unspeakable … even unthinkable … the fact that she was living with a menace in her life, that she was carrying this threat by herself for so long … I don’t even have the words.”

Wetzel marshaled her public relations experience to coordinate interviews with local outlets and spread the word that Antoinette was missing.

They held a vigil at Antoinette’s church.

And nearly a week after her disappearance, Russell filed an emergency petition for full custody of his son.

“This matter requires immediate judicial intervention because (the) mother is presently missing, and her whereabouts are unknown,” the legal filing said, attaching coverage of Antoinette’s disappearance as an exhibit.

“The minor child is presently safe in (his father’s) care in Beaver, Pennsylvania.”

The following day, Russell was arrested on an unrelated probation violation and gun charges. He is currently being held in Pennsylvania.

Russell has not been named as a suspect or person of interest in Antoinette’s disappearance, and authorities have declined CNN’s request to publicly comment on the investigation.

CNN also reached out to Russell’s attorney in Maryland who declined to comment at this time.

The investigation into Antoinette’s disappearance is still ongoing, and thus far no one has been arrested or charged.

The promise to bring her home

As the days bleed into weeks without any signs of Antoinette, friends and family say they’ve also privately begun to worry that she might not come back.

“In the beginning there was a lot of adrenaline and (I was) buoyed by my faith and just believing that we’re going to find her and bring her home,” Aileen said.

“I’m here trying to put the pieces together and still trying to … maintain hope for my sister. But at the same time trying also to grapple with these very difficult truths that we’re confronting.”

Aileen petitioned the court for custody of her nephew.

In her motion, she noted Russell spent that Saturday with his son. But instead of reporting Antoinette missing when he tried to bring his son home, the motion alleges Russell “absconded with the minor child to Pennsylvania” in violation of the custody agreement.

Antoinette’s absence has left a deep, aching void that’s felt by nearly everyone who knows her, but most especially by her son. Court records show – and Aileen confirms – she’s been granted temporary custody of her nephew.

She declined to speak about how he’s navigating his mother’s disappearance and his father’s arrest, out of concern for his privacy and her desire to shield him.

Through the haze of confusion and grief, her family and friends have sought to make one thing emphatically clear: Antoinette would never just walk away from her son or the life she built.

“No one who knows Antoinette would believe that she did something like that,” Aileen said. “It is 100% impossible.”

The last time Antoinette and her friends were all together was for Northrup’s birthday dinner. As the evening wound down, Antoinette stepped away from the table and quietly paid the bill.

It was a full circle moment for a group of friends who’d seen each other through so many of life’s changes. But they had no way of knowing Antoinette was actively keeping one of the worst moments of her life a secret.

“If there was some kind of magical thinking world that she would walk through the door right now — if anything good came out of any of this — it’s the fact that every person in her life who knows her and loves her, who knows about (the assault) in 2021 now, would stand there and say, ‘You’re not alone in this,’” Northrup said.

“You don’t have to hide it. There’s nothing that you can do or say that would make any of us not stand by you.”

As she began to cry, Clark finished her thought:

“We’re not going to stop until we bring her home … She would never give up on us, we’re not going to give up on her.”

CNN’s Alta Spells contributed to this report.

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